So I Did It

This morning, I dropped off a letter for the knucklehead’s father asking him to contact me. On the way there my heart was beating so hard I could feel it in my ears! My mouth was dry and I was sweating… and when I mentioned to Damien last night that I hadn’t dropped the letter yet because I was afraid someone would come out of the house and see me- he laughed! I don’t think he realised at all how stressful this would be for me to do! It didn’t occurr to him that I haven’t seen or spoken to his biological father in well over 19 years and I am almost as nervous as he is about doing this.

Perhaps more so!

I popped it in the mailbox of the house where I believe his parents live… And now I am terrified they don’t live there anymore and I’m not going to hear anything from anyone. As it is I jump when the phone rings!

The letter simply says that Damien asked me to track him down, and will he please phone me. And I wrote it on stationery bedecked with cupcakes. Does that seem flippant?

The last couple of weeks have driven me almost barmy with stress! Just thinking about contacting him makes my heart beat so hard it blocks my ears!! And then we were burgled and I was without a phone for a few days so I didn’t drop off the letter… But today I couldn’t put it off any longer.

I am so afraid that my precious boy is going to be hurt. I am terrified that this man is going to decide he doesn’t want to know Damien and my boy is going to be heartsore. You know that no matter how much you discuss something, you can’t predict how its going to make you feel. My nerves at dropping off the letter are a prime example- I would never have guessed it would freak me out so after all these years.

But its done.

And now I wait.

23 thoughts on “So I Did It

  1. Wow! Fertility experiences be damned … you are a brave girl my favorite Angel!! Aye and just when you thought only wedding prep could give you gray hair …

  2. You’ve got serious balls, lady, not only for dropping off that letter, but for doing the whole parent thing by yourself all these years and then still having the grace to handle this particular matter with such consideration for the man who left you in the lurch.
    I hope it all works out so you don’t have to pick up any pieces and everyone can move forward.
    .-= MeeA´s last blog ..Wanna Win a Weekend Away? =-.

  3. I hope whatever the answer is going to be that it happens soon and that you don’t have to wait for ages. The wait must be killing. I really hope he does the right thing
    .-= Sally-Jane´s last blog ..Show your best side =-.

  4. Well the good thing is he’s 19 and has never had contact with his dad, so I’m pretty sure he doesnt expect a wonderful father-son relationship and hopefully won’t be hurt, it’s most likely just curiosity, which is understandable. I hope his father does meet up with him, does he have another family coz they might not know about Damien and then he may not want any contact.

    Shame, I can imagine how stressful this must be, but its one of those things that you cant stand in the way of, good luck, hope it works out well for Damien :/ after 19 years though do you think his dad will want to meet him ??? do you know if the guy is still alive, in South Africa, etc???

  5. oh god. this is an awful hideous thing that i worry about everyday – jackson being hurt by his biological father. good luck to you, fine lady. i really hope it doesn’t works out exactly the way it should and that there’s not too much heart ache.
    .-= The Jackson Files´s last blog ..YMCA =-.

  6. You are so courageous. Whatever the outcome, you have done what Damien desired and wanted, and done your best.


    .-= cath´s last blog ..the thing is. =-.

Comments are closed.