~~What Is Your Center? What Is It That You Bring To The World?~~
Sheeshkabob… This meme got all heavy on the last day of the challenge!
What do I bring to the world…?
What do I bring, to this world…?
I hope I bring calm, and logical thinking, and thinking before acting.
I hope people are always happy to see me.
I hope I demonstrate that integrity is always the best policy.
I hope I give more than I take.
And I truly hope I set a good example by what I say AND what I do.
~~Your Fears.~~
I have many… I have a whole blogging category devoted to them.
Not knowing where my son is…
My son’s future…
My husband’s safety…
My son’s safety…
Losing my son…
Losing my husband…
Financial trouble…
Losing my parents…
The list goes on and on.
On the slightly ridiculous side there are other things, I don’t mind snakes and spiders at all but I cannot STAND flying ants or roaches!
The one where your kid finally leaves the house.
Parenting sucks a lot of the time. They (you know, “they”) don’t tell you that.
I feel like I have totally fucked up one of the most important things I was charged to do – raising my son.
Long-ass story and not enough blog.
Anyhoodle.
Before I fell pregnant at sixteen I had no plans whatsoever to have children of my own. I wasn’t the one who baby sat for pocket money, or helped out the younger classes at Sunday school and I have a terrible temper. So much so that I was afraid I might literally hurt a child in a fit of blind rage.
And then I had my baby boy
The first few months with my baby were rough. I had the full support of my friends and family and my church, but I spent so much time waiting for that beautiful, tear jerking, soft-focus, golden, glowy moment that you see on TV and in movies – the one when the new mom and the tiny, half asleep, mewling baby magically join their souls together forever and ever and are bonded for life.
That didn’t happen for me. I have come to learn that it NOT happening is normal and common. I love him, fiercely. And I will go mama bear on your ass if you fuck with my boy. But for years I was afraid I hadn’t “bonded” with him enough or correctly.
As a young mom I also had ass-vice and opinions from all and sundry on how I SHOULD have been doing it. I had teachers looking over my shoulder for my boy’s parents when I walked into a classroom on parents’ evening or arrived to register him for a class.
And having a special needs son with severe ADHD Combined Type didn’t make my critics go any easier on me…
I’ll bet those critics are now nodding their heads sagely and smirking at how right they were.
Mother fuckers. Thanks for nothing.
My knucklehead and I have hit a really rough patch and he’s using it to assert his independence whilst at the same time trying to manipulate me the way only he has ever known how to do.
And I’m trying hard not to shake him and scream at him that he’s not ready for fucks’ sake!
He won’t listen to sense or reason.
He’s moving out.
He’s moving out because I finally told him to fit in or fuck off and meant it, and he’s moving out because its something he’s wanted to do for a long time.
I know where he’s going but I am terrified of not knowing where he is.
I am terrified of not seeing him every day but I long for the peace this will bring me.
I am terrified of him burning his fingers but I want him to learn a lesson or three.
I am terrified he’ll never come back.
I want my baby boy back. I want stories snuggled on the couch. I want “I love you mommy” with that little sweet smile.
And I want him to be a grown up and do well for himself and by himself.
On Sunday, our nephews D and J (J is our godson too) came over to spend the day with us. We try to take J out for the day once a month or so, as he’s old enough now to come with us without his mom (he’s nearly six) and his mom has her hands full with our newest nephew E, so a little bit of “free” time for her is a bonus!
This Sunday, we fetched J and then picked up D and brought them home with us to swim and play.
J loves baking and cooking and measuring so we made a toffee caramel that meant lots of measuring and then stirring on the stove as it boiled. D did most of the hot stirring as J is wary of the stove, and then we stuck it in the fridge. I dunno if I used the wrong sugar or we added too much syrup (anything’s possible) but our toffee wouldn’t set enough for me to cut it into squares… It was no problem for us though, we just scooped spoons full of it all afternoon!
The boys swam, had more fun than I could possibly have imagined with a couple of empty 2L Coke and Sprite bottles, played with Riddick, played Lego and watched Lilo & Stitch.
We had hot dogs for lunch and the boys swam some more.
And some more!
At about 5ish, J’s mommy came to pick up both boys so they could head home for bath and supper time and get ready for school.
Our next day with him we’re planning to head to a zoo, we just don’t know which one. Joburg (huge), Pretoria (huge and pricey) or Lory Park (small and cheap)… Any recommendations?
~~Your Family, Introduce Them. Even If Its Just A Cat.~~
My family is a big one – even if I only tell you about the ones who live in my house!
Lets start with my human family.
My Glugster is my husband, we met reading each others’ blogs and got married two years and seven months ago (we’ve been together for five years). He’s my best friend and my lover and step dad to my knucklehead.
The knucklehead is my son. He’ll be 22 years old in April. He carries my heart in his heart. We fight like cat and dog and we love each other to death.
I’d like to present our canine loved ones.
Thelma and Louise are our two “old ladies”. They are a couple of mixed breed bitches we adopted from Wetnose almost three years ago. They are fantastic watch dogs and they have the sweetest natures. They’re about 6 years old now.
Riddick is my mama’s boy. He’s a yellow Lab we adopted from SAGA because he was born with bad eyes and can’t be a guide-dog. He sleeps on our bed with us and he goes everywhere with me if I can arrange it! He’ll be a year old on April fools’ day!
Volt is an honorary canine family member as he was never really ours. He’s a guide-dog we raised for SAGA until he was a year old, and we hope he will be the first of many such puppies.
And now for our feline furbabies.
Our cats are indoor cats. They don’t go outside. They have full run of the house and the balcony outside my bedroom and they have been trained to “sit” for treats and walk in a harness when we leave the house for any reason.
Greebo is my grumpy old man. He was my first kitty cat and he will be 10 years old this November! He’s very clever and he adopted my knucklehead as his boy even though he was supposed to be my cat.
Magic was a parking lot foundling and he’s a perfect tuxedo cat! He’ll be 4 years old in November and he rules the ground floor of our house with an iron claw.
Minx is our youngest and smallest kitty, and she became a member of our family after she was rescued from Shebeeliciousness’s undercarriage! She will be three years old in August and she loves to sleep on our bed between myself and my Glugster!
We have bid farewell to four of our furbabies over time – Diva, Turk, Taxi and Grampa Scratchy – and they now play together over the rainbow bridge.
My extended human family is huge… I have parents (happily married to each other), two sisters and a brother (and their respective partners), one niece and seven nephews! I have aunts and uncles, a boatload of cousins, I still have one of my grannies and I have several godchildren! I also have a substantial family-in-law and I got very lucky in that department.
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