Yup. You guessed it. I’m having a whine about that again. Feel free to click away.
I remember baby blues… Mine set in when my darling knucklehead was three days old and the doctor laughed at my tears and told me it was normal. I wish someone had warned me.
I’m battling baby blues again. A different kind of baby blues. I am once again surrounded by baby bumps.
I find myself wondering “what if?” all over again…
Did you know that secondary infertility is very common? That having one child doesn’t mean you won’t battle to have another? Did you know that as you get older it gets harder to conceive? I adore my knucklehead. He is my son and my heir. Having my boy doesn’t mean my longing to give my Glugster a baby is any less painful though.
My darling Glugs and I know we won’t be having a child of our own. We’ve been through the tests and the appointments and the examinations and we know that our chances of conceiving are slim to none even with medical intervention. We both have physical issues that inhibit us from conceiving naturally (apart from my age) and we decided that we did not want to go through the expense, the stress and the heartache of fertility treatments when our chances were so low.
Even so, I get heart sore about it. I get angry at myself when I feel bitter. I found this poem…
I sit here and wonder
Is it ever to be?
Will I get to display
The mother in me?
Wonder in time
How the story will end,
Will they just be for others-
The showers I attend.
When’s it my turn
I ask God each day,
The only answer I get
Is, “Not today.”
I ask only to know
What my future might be,
To plan and prepare
God, please tell me.
I just need to know
How long to be strong,
For sometimes I question
my strength to go on.
I sit here and wonder
Is it ever to be?
Will I get to display
The mother in me?
I am getting better at coping with it. My Glugster is my rock.